Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
