I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
