First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
bring money and cleavage
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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