i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
