it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
