At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
