Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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