i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
