Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
