You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
