Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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