Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
