I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
