I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
