I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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