Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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