just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
