hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
