I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
