I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
