You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
her facebook's as public as her vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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