Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
