i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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