I puked a lego.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize