ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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