Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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