I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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