im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
