and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
