I'll bet she douches with gravy.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
