No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
