Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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