I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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