I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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