HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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