He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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