I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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