we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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