If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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