I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
