watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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