I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
