I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
