Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
