What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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