Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
