We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
