Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
