Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
