I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize