So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
