If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
