Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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