when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
