ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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