Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
