Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
