is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
