never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
