I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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