Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
