ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
