is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
