The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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