Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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