Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
