boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
