I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
