are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
