Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
